This breaks my heart. Below are two messages I received recently, describing the compounding of grief and financial disaster in the wake of death of a loved one. So, today’s column is dedicated to all those who love their families, yet let their own pride and stubbornness create this type of disaster.
First to arrive was this:

“A friend’s husband passed away. She had limited knowledge concerning his finances. What is the best way to find out if she is missing any bank accounts, stocks, bonds, broker accounts, etc in his name that she may not be aware of?”

For many years I have offered my free Personal Financial Organizer form that you can print out to fill in all the information that would be needed by someone if you are not around. Names and numbers of advisors, investment account numbers and passwords, location of will and other important documents, and even a list of credit cards and account numbers.
The Financial Organizer link is in the top right corner of my website, TerrySavage.com.

But even more heartbreaking was this email (edited to delete personal details):
“I recently lost my husband. A very trying time. But to add insult to injury, I was not aware of the financial nightmares I’ve had to endure. I was not aware that one needs to be the “Primary Holder” and not just an “Authorized User” on credit cards. As soon as Chase was informed of my husband’s death every Chase credit card I used was declined . . . . I’m 75 years old and many people I’ve talked to about are not aware of this.. . .
My problem still pending is with Ally of which they have blocked me from access to my deceased husband’s account. This was his mistake because he forgot to put my name on it. However I do have a will which names me as representative to all his assets and I have sent them all the documents they requested including the death certificate and the copy of the will which states my authority to have access to it. . . .Also we have a CD maturing March 23rd this year worth over $100,000.00 of which I have no access.”

The moral of this story is that it does matter very much what type of estate plan you create! Banks follow rules. A will must go through probate, a complicated, lengthy legal process. A Revocable Living Trust, names each spouse (or an adult child or trusted friend) as successor trustee, who automatically is empowered to act in case of the death or incapacity of the named trustee.
Note: This ONLY works if the bank account, brokerage account, or other asset is re-titled in the name of the Revocable Living Trust!

So let’s start over with the basics:
• You need independent credit in your own name – not just as an “authorized user” on a spouse’s (or parent’s) card. Check your credit report at Equifax, Experian, or TransUnion to see if you’ve built a separate credit record. If not, get a “secured card” – a Visa or MC backed by your small deposit in a bank. Find a secured card at CreditCards.com.

• Now, while both of you are alive and competent, fill out that Personal Financial Organizer so you know where everything is in case of emergency.

• Make sure that your daily transaction bank accounts are titled with both names as “Joint Tenants with Right of Survivorship.” That allows you individual access to the money. But it is not the total solution to ownership, because if your spouse is incapacitated by a stroke you don’t have complete freedom to sell property titled in joint name. That’s why major assets should be retitled into the name of your RLT. (see below)

• Demand that you be part of an estate planning process that starts immediately. Laws vary in each state, so you’ll need an attorney in your locality. Find one by either asking the local bank trust department, or go to www.search-attorneys.com.

• Insist that your attorney create a Revocable Living Trust. Call it the “Smith Family Trust” with John and Mary Smith as co-trustees. Then make sure that title to all accounts is changed into the name of the trust (including your home). There is no cost, no tax implication to this change, and it’s easy to do. In fact, there’s a full video I made explaining this process featured on the home page of TerrySavage.com – “Terry Talks Wills, Trusts, and Estate Planning.”

• While you’re at it, get a healthcare power of attorney and a living will – the end of life instructions that no one wants to think about.

Do not procrastinate – and do not be bullied, either by your spouse or your attorney! Women live longer than men. So, the odds are you will need these documents. And if you’re an individual alone, this advice is especially pertinent. You’ll need to name a successor trustee whom you trust to deal with these issues when you cannot do it yourself. (More on that in an upcoming column on finding a trustee you can trust.)

Do the work now, while you can. The cost is irrelevant. There is no way to measure the emotional cost of dealing with what happens after you’re gone if you’ve left a mess. And that’s The Savage Truth.