Putative marriage — an amazing story!
My question or precisely my plea….I had been with my ex for over twenty years and we have a daughter together….we lived as a married couple but had not made it legal because he was still married! I never knew she remarried some 30 years ago and I believe My ex might have known? I have been to social security with a shopping bag full of our lives together with insurance papers and mortgage deeds etc. listing me as his spouse! I also my social security card reflects a hyphenated name with my name and his which was changed years ago! We always filed as married because we were husband and wife to me and my daughter as well… The social security office took copies and I have yet to hear back….I get retirement income from my record but it is almost an insult to to even think someone could live on that…I would have been working full time had I not been with him and had a child….This is criminal to think more than 20 years dedicated to my family has put me in this position while he moved on to another woman and has not spoken to us in as many years! Other states would take this seriously but the state of Illinois ignores me more concerned with giving someone disability when they have never worked…..I am ashamed and bewildered that I am in this position when they would use my status and half of his which really is not that significant but nothing has been done….20 years is a long time to believe you are a family but have been erased by the state of Illinois as well as put my income below the poverty level! I am reaching here, Terry, but sleepless nights regretting my life can’t be my only option!
Terry Says
I don’t have good news for you. Several years ago I wrote a book called
“The New Love Deal” with co-authors Gemma Allen (famed Il divorce attorney) and Judge (ret) Michele Lowerance — who presided at divorce court for many years. We stressed that you have to make it LEGAL by marrying, for so many reasons. Yours is one of them!
Let’s get things straight. You deluded yourself! You told yourself that you were “as good as married” and he got the very best of the deal.
No. You will not be able to claim his Social Security. The Federal government does not recognize cohabitation. In fact, you both might be liable for back taxes for illegially filing returns as married filing jointly! The state has nothing to do with Federal SS benefits.
The ONE POSSIBILITY is to get an attorney and sue him. Illinois does not recognize cohabitation rights. In August 2016, the Illinois Supreme Court ruled that unmarried couples have no legal right to each other’s property if they break up. But a good attorney — working on a percentage basis not with you paying legal fees — might find a way to sue him for “something” — or at least make his life miserable.
Once you’ve hired a lawyer — if you decide to go that route — let him/her handle things. And don’t look back. There’s an old Savage Truth in all of my books; “The lessons that cost the most, teach the most.” Concentrate on the future — and be sure to pass this wisdom on to your daughter.
